WHAT REMAINS—In the growing trend toward choosing cremation, loved ones sometimes forget about the ‘cremains’
Calgary Herald, June 16, 2006, Jeff Holubitsky, CanWest News Service:
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George Gover is in the places he loved. Even in death. After the Edmonton man died in 2000 after a long illness, his wife June sprinkled some of his cremated remains on a mountain near Banff. Another portion was buried by his in-laws’ graves in their native England, while another was sprinkled at the docks of Portsmouth where he once worked.
June Gover also keeps a small keepsake urn in her seniors’ apartment and the rest of the ashes are in a peaceful niche in a west Edmonton cemetery. “I did things for him with the ashes that I couldn’t have done if I had just had him buried,” she says, I took them to places that he loved. So he’s scattered around but I have a good feeling about it.”
June continues to struggle with the loss of the man with whom she immigrated to Canada in 1966, but her loving care of his memory is a comfort to her and an inspiration to others. Since George’s death, she also leads church workshops to help others dealing with similar losses.
Her story is a lesson to those considering the long-term future of their own remains. Truth is, June Gover has gone to a lot of effort to honour her late husband, a process that didn’t end on the day of his memorial ceremony. “For me it was a chance to do, hopefully, what he wanted,” she says.
The Govers represent a best-case scenario. In other instances, through factors such as health, or grief, or distance, nobody makes a decision on how to deal with cremated remains. Stories abound of cremains, as they’re commonly called, virtually abandoned in a closet or basement.
One Edmonton funeral home, which technically doesn’t keep cremains, has stored unclaimed urns in a cemetery crypt for decades in case someone comes forward to claim them. And with a growing trend toward cremation, the problem is likely to get worse. Nearly 60 per cent of deaths in Alberta now involve cremation.
Carol Kodish-Butt, the founder and education co-ordinator of the Edmonton Bereavement Centre, says the choice between burial or cremation is highly individual and may stem from cultural or religious beliefs. Hindus, for example, have practised cremation for millennia, while orthodox Jews shun the practice.
“Sometimes people who are dying express horror at the idea of being in the ground, so it’s almost a comfort to them to think of their ashes being spread,” she says. “I feel that each family is different and a cremation ceremony of spreading the ashes afterward can, in fact, be a healing ceremony. It’s very individual.”
Most people likely choose cremation because of the cost, which can be less than half of a traditional burial, funeral director Douglas Overend says. A funeral with expensive coffin can run more than $10,000, he says, while families who do the work to organize their own memorial services can keep costs as low as $3,000. Families can also save by spreading the cremains at a favourite site. Overend recommends against this route, however. “It’s final and can’t be reversed,” he says.
If future generations want to visit grandma’s grave, where do they go? Instead, he suggests survivors place urns with at least some of the cremains in graves or niches that future generations can visit, even if it costs another $2,000 or so, depending on location.
But whatever clients do, Overend says his company works hard to ensure the decision isn’t delayed forever. He charges a storage fee for unclaimed urns, and also keeps in touch with the family to ensure the problem doesn’t arise. He will, however, store cremains for a year or more, if the spreading of the ashes is delayed because of legitimate family reasons. In reality, funeral homes are just being respectful when they do this. Provincial legislation allows them to dispose of cremains after a year but few appear to take advantage of the law.
June Gover, meanwhile, has made detailed plans for her own final destination. Some of her ashes will be sprinkled and the remainder will rest next to her husband’s urn at the cemetery. “I am going to be cremated, as well, and I have already paid for it, she says. “My sister is going to be in charge….though she doesn’t want to talk about it. I’ll be 71 and that’s the way of life. I have to die sometime.”
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