Coming to Terms with Death
To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. J.K. Rowling
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There is a widespread reluctance to discuss dying. The truth is that death can happen to any one of us at any time. Coming to terms with this reality can help us spend our time more wisely, and to better appreciate what's truly important in our lives. On this page we provide links to resources and events that can help you become more comfortable talking about death. It is much easier to plan ahead and live your life to the fullest if you are comfortable with the reality that death will occur.
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why you should be talking about death with your family
Here are 3 reasons why you should be talking about death with your family:
1. It can help ease your fear and anxiety.
When a major life event like death is ignored, the resulting lack of knowledge around the undiscussed topic can increase anxiety and stress. Talking about death, however challenging it might be, may make you feel more at peace about it. Planning for your funeral ahead of time may also help you feel calmer about death. This can strengthen the bonds between you and your loved ones and ensure meaningful information is known regarding end-of-life arrangements should an unexpected death occur.
2. It can strengthen your relationships.
Discussing a major topic like death with your family is a great opportunity to deepen your relationship with them. You’ll hear what your loved ones think about death and the afterlife and may even learn each individual’s preferences for when their own death occurs. This can strengthen the bonds between you and your loved ones and ensure meaningful information is known regarding end-of-life arrangements should an unexpected death occur.
3. It can lead to more conversations.
After a loved one dies, many people say they wish they’d been more prepared for the event and talked about final wishes and care plans in greater detail while they were alive. Speaking openly about death may prompt you to venture into important subject areas like these, which can help you and your family make informed choices together. This will likely result in everyone feeling more confident and peaceful about the future.
1. It can help ease your fear and anxiety.
When a major life event like death is ignored, the resulting lack of knowledge around the undiscussed topic can increase anxiety and stress. Talking about death, however challenging it might be, may make you feel more at peace about it. Planning for your funeral ahead of time may also help you feel calmer about death. This can strengthen the bonds between you and your loved ones and ensure meaningful information is known regarding end-of-life arrangements should an unexpected death occur.
2. It can strengthen your relationships.
Discussing a major topic like death with your family is a great opportunity to deepen your relationship with them. You’ll hear what your loved ones think about death and the afterlife and may even learn each individual’s preferences for when their own death occurs. This can strengthen the bonds between you and your loved ones and ensure meaningful information is known regarding end-of-life arrangements should an unexpected death occur.
3. It can lead to more conversations.
After a loved one dies, many people say they wish they’d been more prepared for the event and talked about final wishes and care plans in greater detail while they were alive. Speaking openly about death may prompt you to venture into important subject areas like these, which can help you and your family make informed choices together. This will likely result in everyone feeling more confident and peaceful about the future.
How to Start The Conversation
It’s not always easy starting a conversation about death, but thankfully there are some useful tools out there to help you along. If you’re a parent, tell your children you’d like them to know your final wishes. Taking a more practical approach to death can help people feel more comfortable discussing it with each other.
Death Cafes
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A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session. At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. The objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'. Death Cafes are held around the world and are a growing movement. A death cafe embraces the following guiding principles:
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- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake!
More information
McGill's death café 'a safe space' to talk about life and death (CBC News, Posted: Feb 27, 2019)
How to Create a Death-Positive Mindset (Dr. Karen Wyatt)
Podcast: Aging Well: 100 is the New 80 (Dr. Karen Wyatt and her guest Larry George, MD)
Talking About Death – Games and conversation starters (Compassionate Alberta)
How to Create a Death-Positive Mindset (Dr. Karen Wyatt)
Podcast: Aging Well: 100 is the New 80 (Dr. Karen Wyatt and her guest Larry George, MD)
Talking About Death – Games and conversation starters (Compassionate Alberta)